During the past five years, professionals at UNH and other universities around the country have noted a marked increase in the participation of parents in the daily decisions of their sons and daughters at the university. Quite frankly, this involvement goes well beyond what most of us (and I venture to guess, most of you) would have thought normal and appropriate when you were of college age. This behavior is referred to in our inner professional circles as “helicopter parenting," reflecting our perception that many parents are seemingly hovering continuously over their students' lives.

This cultural change has caused us to dramatically rethink our relationship with the parents of our students. As evidenced by our numerous on-going communications with you through newsletters and emails, I hope you see that at one level we embrace the notion of partnering with you to make your son's or daughter's experience as productive as possible. Frankly, however, we worry sometimes that your interventions may well be impeding your son's or daughter's climb toward independence…a step we know is absolutely essential and critical at this stage of life. Having worked with college students for the last 30 years, let me offer up a “for whatever it's worth” short version of when I have seen parental involvement helpful and harmful.

Helpful involvement occurs when the student is in such emotional or physical trauma that they cannot handle normal communication or is sending signals that she/he is genuinely confused about something happening at UNH, or when you are concerned about negative behaviors your child is engaged in.

Unproductive involvement is when a parent condemns our actions when a student has misbehaved, or when a parent gets involved when there is disagreement about a grade in class.

Perhaps most involvement we see occurs when a parent calls to complain about a student's roommate. These are productive calls when our staff was not aware of the situation. However, more frequently we are aware and the student's version is very different from the parent's. In fact the parents are struggling more with the situation then the students.

Again, as a parent I understand this feeling. We want the best for our kids. When we don't have the ability to control it, we can sometimes feel we are letting them down. What do I advise? Continue to use your best instincts combined with the knowledge that your son or daughter is probably better equipped to handle the situation than you are willing to allow. Also recognize that sometimes your son or daughter will communicate a different story to you than they do to us…again, human nature at work.

Our department values our connection with you. Many of you have chosen to communicate directly about the good and the bad with your student's hall director, which is terrific. Please feel free to email me at Scott.Chesney@unh.edu or call me at my office (603-862-1870) or at my home (603-868-1251).