Is the UNH campus safe?
The most frequently asked question to the SHARPP office is, "How big a problem is sexual violence on the campus?" Because SHARPP knows only about the cases reported to us, those are the only numbers we can cite with any certainty. During the 2002-2003 school year, we provided service to 56 primary victims and 81 secondary victims (individuals who are emotionally affected by primary victim's experience.) During 2001-2002, we served 63 primary victims and 112 secondary victims. (Please see our Annual Report for complete information about our statistics.) We at SHARPP say that even one incident of sexual or intimate violence is too many, but we believe we are doing our job well when so many people who are in need come forward to get help.

Another note about our numbers: Changes in the law, which mandate much more precise reporting of crime on U.S. college campuses, accompanied by increased attention to the problem, make it appear that there has been a huge spike in the number of incidents in colleges and universities across the country. Sexual and intimate partner violence, unfortunately, have always been with us, and since 1992, SHARPP has offered services to people in need.

What is SHARPP doing to prevent sexual violence on campus?
One of the "P's" in SHARPP stands for "prevention," and prevention is as important to our mission as providing direct service. Our office collaborates with local police and other UNH offices to develop campus-wide safety measures, such as installing better lighting and more emergency call boxes. Important though these safety measures are, we believe the problem of sexual violence won't be solved unless we work to change people's behavior . Therefore, we present an active and diverse calendar of educational events throughout the year. Our programs range from campus-wide rallies and speak outs for Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence Awareness Months to discussion groups, performances, and social events. We also produce a newsletter and bookmarks with myths and facts about sexual violence.

Because we believe that students learn best from other students, nearly all of our programs are presented by UNH undergraduates. These specially trained volunteers present peer education in residence halls, Greek houses, classrooms, high schools, and to student athletes.

What can I do as a parent?
Although the topic is sensitive, silence never helps prevent sexual violence! Because both women and men are affected by the problem, everyone needs to be concerned and involved. You can:

• Create an atmosphere in your family for open, respectful discussion of harassment and abusive behavior.
• Pave the way for open discussion of the link between alcohol and other substances and sexual violence.
• Help your children understand their rights and responsibilities in healthy relationships.
• Reinforce the importance of seeking and receiving consent from a partner before engaging in sexual activity.
• Begin such discussions with any high-school or middle-school students in your family. Studies how that sexual and intimate partner violence is a serious problem before students even reach college age.
• Support and believe anyone who discloses to you.
• Support education, prevention, and direct-service efforts in your community.
• Know what your family is watching and listening to. Too many television programs, movies, music, and video games promote the message that violence is sexy.

• Express your care and concern. Do this often.
• Remind him/her that the assault was not her/his fault.
• Discuss pros and cons about taking various actions and suggest helpful resources rather than telling him/her what to do.
• Be sure to seek your own support and take care of yourself.

Grief, rage, and helplessness are all common responses of parents who learn about their child's experience with sexual or intimate partner violence. During a crisis, many parents are tempted to step in and advise their children what to do. Although it might be helpful for your child to discuss options with you, it is very important to refrain from ordering your child to take a particular action. Making his/her own decisions is key to a survivor's healing. Survivors often must work on healing emotionally before they are ready to make serious and difficult decisions.

Shouldn't I intervene on behalf of my child?
We understand that you want to protect your child from harm, but in some cases stepping in risks more harm than letting your child determine his/her own action. In cases of intimate partner violence, the time of greatest risk for the abused party is when s/he decides to leave the relationship. For this reason, SHARPP and other crisis centers proceed with the utmost care when engaging in safety planning with individuals. Similarly, SHARPP advocates never give advice to the people they serve, but simply listen and provide resources. As a parent, you can do the same. If it is safe to do so, you can offer your home as a refuge for your child. You can also let your child know about and encourage him/her to seek support from all available sources.

Commonly, parents wish to call SHARPP and find out if their child has visited the office and to obtain more information about his/her situation. Confidentiality laws prevent our office from disclosing information about specific cases, but we are always happy to provide general information and address your concerns.

How do I handle hearing difficult information?
Your child's disclosure might lead to your learning difficult truths about his/her use of alcohol and other drugs, his/her dating life, or his/her sexual orientation. Please try to withhold judgment, especially in your child's presence, and focus instead on helping him/her feel supported and secure. Regardless of how overwhelmed you feel, try to focus on your child's needs by listening to him/her, expressing your love, and pointing him/her in the direction of help.

The victimization of one family member can have a serious ripple effect on everyone. SHARPP urges you to reach out and talk with others who might help: friends, relatives, clergy, etc. It is very important, however, that you discuss with your child whom you might tell. SHARPP, along with rape crisis and domestic violence centers in your community, are available to provide free and confidential services to you. Additionally, many families find counseling helpful when dealing with the emotional distress and practical stresses of violence in their lives.

There is almost nothing harder for a parent to face than a child's distress. SHARPP is here for you and all members of your family. Please call us at (603) 862-3494 (Confidential TTY: 1-800-735-2964) any time of day or night!