Relationships Abuse
What is Relationship Abuse?
Relationship Abuse can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Relationship abuse may occur in any type of intimate relationship – dating, living together or marriage. It’s perpetrators and victims may be women or men, young or old, gay, lesbian, straight or bisexual. Relationship abuse affects people of all races, socioeconomic backgrounds and educational levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
- Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you;
- Humiliates you in public;
- Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive;
- Tries to isolate you from family or friends;
- Constantly checks up on you, monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with;
- Blames you for problems in the relationship;
- Does not want you to work;
- Controls finances or refuses to share money;
- Punishes you by withholding affection;
- Threatens to disclose a secret, such as “outing” a same sex partner or revealing anything that you want to keep private;
- Threatens suicide if you assert independence or try to leave the relationship;
- Threatens to hurt you, your family or your pets,
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
- Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.);
- Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or strangled you;
- Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place;
- Scared you by driving recklessly;
- Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you;
- Forced you to leave your home;
- Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving;
- Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention;
- Hurt or threatened to hurt someone you care about;
- Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
- Believes in rigid gender role and views you as an object;
- Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships;
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way;
- Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names;
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts;
- Held you down during sex;
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you;
- Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex;
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you;
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship and the abuse is not your fault. Help is available.
What Can I do if I am Being Abused?
If you are in immediate physical danger you can call 911 to access the police;
If you have been injured you can go to the hospital or your doctors to get medical attention;
You can call SHARPP for support and more information about resources and options. All services provided by SHARPP are free, non-judgmental, and confidential;
You can tell supportive family and friends what has happened. Friends and family may be able to offer support and resources;
You can attend a support group for survivors of relationship abuse;
You can create a safety plan for whether you are leaving or staying in the relationship;
You can take legal action; for example, applying for a protective order. A protective order is a court order telling your abuser to have no further contact with or you friends and family.
Know that what is happening to you is never your fault. You do not have to deal with this on your own there are people who can help.
Adapted from the National Domestic Violence Hotline Website and Planned Parenthood.