My Life with Herpes
By Anonymous
It was February 18th 1997, my parents twenty-first wedding anniversary. I was a senior in high school, taking all honors courses, in the top fifteen of my class. I was dating a great guy, he was older, and we talked of the future often. I thought I was on top of the world.
I had been sick for a few days, and that day it was especially bad. It hurt so bad to urinate that I screamed till my lungs burned. It was uncomfortable to walk, sit, lay down, and stand. Sleep was my only comfort. Because the pain had gotten so out of control, my mother suggested that I go to Urgent Care and get checked out. Maybe I had a bad urinary tract infection (UTI), she suggested. I will never forget the look on the Physician Assistant's face when she looked at me through my legs and said, "You have Herpes." It was a look of disappointment, and pity.
I had done nothing wrong, I thought, she must be mistaken. I left the hospital and somehow drove home, I don't remember much of the trip. I had no more than walked in the door and the lab called with the positive results. No doubt about it, I was infected with the Herpes Simplex Virus. I had to tell my mom, and then my dad. They wanted to know how, I told them I didn't know. They asked if had AIDS, or was pregnant, and I told them no I didn't think so. They wanted to know why this had happened to their little girl. I couldn't even look them in the eye, I was so ashamed of myself.
I sat and cried, not because I was afraid, but because I had no idea what I was facing. I was sure I had just been given a lifetime sentence of sickness, loneliness, and worthlessness. I knew little to nothing about herpes. I didn't know how I got it. I had only had two sexual partners, and used protection during sex. I didn't know what it would do to my body. I didn't know if I might have HIV. Most of all, I did not know how much it would change my life.
My contraction of the virus is a bit of a mystery. I cannot point to a specific incident where I know I came in contact with it. Let me please remind all of you here that a condom does not mean completely safe sex. The virus can spread through skin to skin contact, including all of the places a condom doesn't cover. You can also come in contact with it through oral sex, and even touching the genitals or mouth after touching an infected area, such as your partners genitals or mouth.
Please be careful because 1 in every 5 of us are infected with this virus, and most of you will never show symptoms, you'll just be a carrier. Women are more likely to contract it from an infected partner. And the population with the greatest increase in infection is 12-19 year old whites, the second greatest increase has been seen in all 20-29 year olds. This affects my friends, and me.
When I found out I was infected I had to tell my partner. I immediately accused him of "giving" me this virus, and throughout our relationship I would use it as a weapon in arguments. Not until I began Peer Education here at UNH did I learn that he could really be telling the truth. He never even knew he had it. That relationship ended a few years ago, and I was afraid that I would never find anyone who could accept me. I was always up front with my friends and dates, most took it with a grain of salt. I have been asked every question I could have ever imagined, such as; "Does that mean you can never have sex?" No I have a great sex life, Thanks! "Will you be able to have children?" Of course, although some precautions will have to be taken during birth. And my personal favorite, "What is that?" The people who ask that get about an hour-long presentation on sexually transmitted infections and safer sex.
Yes my body carries this virus, and without suppressive therapy (medicine to stop a herpes outbreak), I have outbreaks almost once a month. I get frequent UTI's and I sometimes experience extreme discomfort during sex. My mind and heart are well, I am strong, and I have a lesson to teach others from what I have learned first hand. Through Peer Education I reach out to you, my community, and spread the word. There is a great risk out there including HIV/AIDS, Herpes, Genital Warts, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Trichomoniasis. Knowledge is your first defense, self-respect and safety your backups.
I am no longer ashamed. I am proud of all the good things I have done with my life. I am an EMT and Fire Fighter. I save peoples lives. My contraction of this virus was a setback, but I am determined to become a better person everyday and not let this, or anything, hold me back.
I am once again single, and a bit worried about finding the "right one." I still worry about good grades, my next paycheck, and what is for dinner. I know when the time comes I'll find a partner willing to accept me for who I am.
Please be safer, and think twice, because IT can happen to YOU.
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