A Series of Writings that Celebrate Sexuality and Gender Expression
Herpes IS Real
by Becky Searles
When you hear the word herpes, what do you think of? A prostitute? Someone who sleeps around? Do you react with "Ew, gross!?” Or "Wow, you'll have that forever...?” Whatever you think, it's probably far from a bright, responsible, and social woman right on this UNH campus. Especially one who maintains at least a 3.0 GPA, loves being a Music Education major, is involved in a lot of important organizations (Student Senate, the GLBT Commission and Peer Ed to name a few) and holds a job in the Affirmative Action Office. The person described above is not fictional. We do exist, and I would venture to say you know someone with herpes, even if you don't know that they actually have it.
I was in a relationship with a wonderful older man who didn’t know how to tell the truth. I trusted him, and we never had sex without a condom. He didn’t tell me about his history of herpes, and I never really gave much thought to possibly contracting an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) from him.
“It will never happen to me!” is a feeling many of us have until it does happen to us. I thought I had herpes the very first night I had noticed it, the tingling in my legs, itchiness in the vaginal area, a slight fever and one blister. When I woke up the next morning and went to the bathroom, I felt like I was on fire. I knew something wasn’t right, but I was so scared because this had never happened before! (Warning to people with vaginas: DO NOT use yeast infection cream on the rash when having an outbreak!) I waited a couple of days to see if it would go away. I also did research about it on the internet and attended a Herpes Chat on AOL. Finally, I just couldn’t stand it anymore (I couldn’t walk, sit, stand, or move without wincing from the pain) so I made an appointment that night with a male doctor to get it checked out. He stuck a swab in a lesion and told me it looked “herpetic” but he would definitely call me with the results on Tuesday. TUESDAY???! It was a Friday! I couldn’t wait that long to know something THIS important! To me, then, this was life or death!
When I got diagnosed with Herpes, I was put on Acyclovir, a common treatment for Herpes. Do I think it sped up the antibody formation and the healing process? Not really. Did it get better after 3 weeks? Yes. Did I go through the feeling of being “dirty” and thinking no one would ever want me again? Yes. Then I realized that I have a perfect opportunity to help educate others. As much as I wanted to meet someone else who I knew they had it, I also knew that I could make people think twice about whom they are sleeping with and stress how important it is to get tested. Many people think “Oh, it will never happen to me” and still will after reading this article or seeing my Sexuality Peer Ed program. It is to those that I say “You’re still welcome to contact me when it happens to you or someone you love.” I feel like I have looked everywhere for that connection, especially on the internet and at Boston's HELP group, a herpes/HPV support and info group. I was the youngest member at the meeting attended. When I told people I was very open about telling others about living with Herpes, they thought I was incredibly brave. Herpes becomes real when you know someone living with something so secret, so “shameful.“ I don’t want to say I wouldn’t take a pill to get rid of it (if one was very available in the future), but if I had to take the person I was before herpes or the person I’ve become, I would have no regrets about choosing who I am today. Now, herpes is about as big a deal for me as having a hangnail. I do believe, however, that it is worth something if even ONE person thinks more carefully before they have sex.
I honestly haven’t dated very much since getting this, but I tell everyone on the first date, before we get too involved. It starts something like “Do you know what a cold sore is?“ and go on to relating that to genital herpes. It’s hard, especially when I really like the person, but it is so much better for everyone involved if I present the facts up front and let the person make an informed decision. It is really hard to meet college-age people with herpes who know that they have it and will admit it; I understand it’s probably due to the age and the stereotype/shame. I’ve told all my friends though, and most, while shocked, were impressed that I did research the facts about it and are very supportive of me as a person. I almost didn’t include my name with this article because I am involved in a lot of student organizations and many people will recognize my name. I wondered if I may be jeopardizing friendships that I haven’t formed yet. But people who want to know me and who do know me, and people whom I trust, will still be there.
Becky is a Senior at UNH and actually does everything listed in this article. Look for her and others doing a Sexuality Peer Ed program near you!
Back
