A Series of Writings that Celebrate Sexuality and Gender Expression
Female Masturbation
The fight for women’s rights has been ongoing for a very long time. I’m not writing for anything nearly that significant, however, this topic is extremely important and not touched on nearly enough. Masturbation - female masturbation in particular. If you were to see me and ask me about this sort of thing, I’m an exception. I would have NO problem talking to you about masturbation, even perhaps pulling out my vibrator to show you. I imagine that many of you cringed or laughed when reading this and I want you to ask yourself why. Are you considering not reading the rest of this after that line? Why? It is a common occurrence to hear men talk about masturbation but you rarely if ever hear a woman discuss her experiences or even joke about it. Does this mean women don’t masturbate? No. But this also does not mean every woman masturbates and most of us just lie about it. Many women do masturbate, however many do not.
It never occurred to me to masturbate until I was in a relationship and completely lost my sex drive. Lost, as in gone. I had no desire for the first time in four years to be involved in any sexual activity and I had been dating my partner for a year and we lived together. For many people this is not unusual, but for anyone who knows me, it was a scary time in my life. We lived together for a year and there was a 3-month stretch where I just wasn’t interested in anything sexual. My partner felt very unwanted. This is when a friend suggested the way to rekindle my fire was to light it myself. So I bought a vibrator. I must say there was a spark in what I’d thought was gone forever and I got to know myself much better. Did I mention, this was just two summers ago? That summer (I was 19) was the first time I’d masturbated.
Masturbation is the best way to get to know what you like. You can’t expect another person to pleasure you if you don’t know how to pleasure yourself. How many of you know where a woman’s g-spot or clitoris is? How many of you women can say you know you’ve had an orgasm? (If you think you have, you probably haven’t).
The less you know about your own anatomy, the more self-conscious you will be when it is brought up in any manner (discussions, jokes, pictures, etc.). When you go to visit the gynecologist, you will be more relaxed and comprehensive of what’s going on if you’ve already explored the wonders of your vagina on your own. It’s perfectly fine to use all the free time you have to give yourself orgasms. But what I’m trying to get at is that you should do it enough to know what you like and to know when you’re body is in certain phases where different things feel better than they did the last time.
I have a bumper sticker on my door that says, “safe sex is in the palm of your hand.” This is also another great reason to masturbate – you are MUCH less likely to contract anything from yourself than you are from someone else. In addition, if your main concern is being better in bed, masturbation will enhance your confidence, which also increases skill in performance.
Will masturbating give you a reputation as a sex fiend? Well, I can’t guarantee it won’t. Our society works in funny ways and unfortunately, it is not often that women brag about enjoying sex. But what is wrong with being a sex fiend anyway? I like sex and the important thing is that I respect it. This is all that matters. Respect sex, yourself, and your partner and you can feel secure in anything you do because you know what is right for you.
As a Sexuality Peer Educator and an RA, I’m around people all the time and I make sexual jokes and often talk about sex. This doesn’t mean that I tell my own sex stories because I really don’t think they all want to know that much about me. The fact that I’m friends with a lot of men, talk about sex a lot, and know my body because I masturbate, obviously means that I sleep with every man I come into contact with, right? Actually no, it doesn’t. I’ve had male friends stay in my room this year (I think 4 total) and didn’t sleep with any of them. Although, my residents probably thought I did and I’ve gotten comments about how I “get a lot of play.” In my own defense, I don’t get a lot of play. People just assume that I do because I’m not the type of woman that hides her sexuality and I know it is not something to be ashamed of. The fact is, I’m a woman and in general, we are labeled in our sexual endeavors or lack thereof. I’m not a virgin but my shortest relationship has been 7 months. I’m not sure if it’s intimidating to know that women can enjoy sex just as much as, if not more than, men. We can be “freaks” and like sex in many different manners but that does not mean we’re strolling around naked in rolling chairs with our legs spread looking for the next one to come along. We are women and we can love sex, whether it be with ourselves or someone else. What you do with your wondrous vagina is your business and whoever you choose to share it with. Do not be ashamed of who you are. I always tell people to go for what they want because if they don’t, they never know what they could be missing out on. The same goes for sex – find out what you want, then go for it. We are creatures of desire and passion and we deserve to feel good. For anyone who enjoys sex, more power to you. I wish you many fantastic orgasms. Now go masturbate and remember your vagina is a treasure, take care of her and she will take care of you.
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