Annie's Blog
My name is Annie Mathe, I am a senior with a major in Sociology and a second major in Women's Studies. I became interested in this internship as I found out about everything Health Services has to offer the students and community at UNH. I am interested in holistic wellness and am learning more and more about it all the time through this internship! I am looking forward to focusing in on issues around body image and self-esteem as they relate to college women.
- Annie Mathe, Senior
May 17, 2010
What Does Sex Have To Do With Body Image?
Self-esteem is an issue that many people wrestle with beginning in their teen years and continuing through their time in college. College is a time of so much personal growth, and along with growth comes uncertainty. Becoming aware of how you feel about yourself and how you present that self to the world is important in developing a sense of who you are. This awareness, in turn, can improve your self-esteem and confidence. Knowing yourself includes knowing what kind of a person you are/what defines you (which can be many things), your likes and dislikes, your values and beliefs, having pride and respect for yourself, and understanding your body and how it works. This last point is related to sexual health. I decided to write a post on how sex is related to self-esteem, especially for many college students. It's not just about the act of having sex, it’s about how we carry ourselves and how we value ourselves in relation to our sexuality and why we do that. The pressure to have sex in college is very present, and I think there needs to be more discussion about how sex affects your emotions and your self-esteem. And of course, there always needs to be a discussion about safer sex.
I recently talked with Dawn Zitney, who works at Health Services, about women, sex, and self-esteem. Dawn is one of the facilitators of the Fierce and Fabulous women's group on campus, and having participated in that group myself, I knew Dawn was interested in and knowledgeable about these topics. Dawn has volunteered at the Feminist Health Center of Portsmouth in Greenland and is a member of the Board of Directors. In this position, she talks to women on the day they are going to have an abortion. She reviews their health and sexual history with them and discusses the reasons why they have decided to get an abortion and the decisions that led them to be faced with their choice. Dawn said that most of the women she has encountered are young adults. Many are in a new relationship, or are there as a result of a “hook-up”, which often means they are afraid to ask their partner to use a condom during sex. This fear can be a result of low-self-esteem; not feeling confident enough in one's self to stand up to someone and demand protection.
Our discussion continued to the subject of college women, and the "hook-up" culture of college today. Hook-ups, or one night stands, can be seen two different ways: as women asserting themselves, or as women exploiting themselves due to a lack of self-esteem. Dawn noted the influence of culture in how women learn and think about sex. "We are bombarded by sex and images of heterosexuality in our culture. These messages teach women to be sexy and that our sexuality is linked to having power, confidence, and the ability to be wild sexual creatures, for the pure purpose of pleasing our partners. But at the same time we are reprimanded for being sexy and confident. We are labeled sluts, bitches and whores. We all know these terms and most of us have been called at least one of them at some point. This backlash can affect women’s self esteem and create shame around our desire to be sexual human beings or be sexy," she said.
This same double standard is present in regards to masturbation. It is expected and accepted for men to masturbate and enjoy it, but that is not so for women. Female masturbation is not even really discussed much at all in our culture. Dawn feels that for women to reclaim their sexuality, they need to understand what turns them on and off. According to Dawn, “knowing your body brings self-confidence. A better appreciation of your whole body can help you be more confident and assert your needs. Traditionally, women’s sexuality has been linked to pleasing other people- their partner. We need to take the power back by pleasing ourselves and learning about our own bodies. Women need to understand their own bodies beyond functions of reproduction in order to have a healthy sex life.” Dawn goes on to say that she thinks it is “amazing” that a woman’s clitoris’ only function is pleasure, but she goes on to ask, “how many people actually know that?”.
One of the only ways to understand our own bodies is to explore them- alone, at least at first. Dawn promotes masturbation as a cornerstone to being sexually healthy human beings. Dawn recognizes that this can be a taboo topic or practice for women. She refers back to our culture and how we are socialized to be more accepting of male masturbation but female masturbation is a topic so uncomfortable for people that we don’t even joke about it. There are many books and videos in Health Services that the UNH community can check out to learn more about self-pleasure and sexual health. One way to ease into masturbation is to fantasize, which can be just as pleasurable as physical masturbation and a good stepping stone to get started. Dawn encourages women to get out their journal and write about a sexual fantasy. If you need help getting started, try answering these questions: where would you like to have sex? What are you doing? Who are you with? Are there more than two of you? What are you saying? Fantasy can be one of the easiest first steps to masturbation.
Dawn recommends purchasing a sex toy online. One of her favorite sites is EdenFantasys. “I like this site because the layout is very visually appealing and doesn’t make it feel like you are doing something ‘dirty’ or ‘wrong’. Not to mention, it is fun and exciting to read the reviews of all the sex toys!”. Another website that Dawn encourages anyone to check out is Kinsey Confidential. “It is loaded with lots of great information on sex and pleasure, and even better, it is written with college students in mind”. A few other informative websites are Go Ask Alice and Siecus.
"Sex doesn't just begin in the bedroom," Dawn said, "it begins in your head; it’s psychological and emotional." Before you become sexually active, it is important to be confident enough to assert your needs, including protection, during sex. Consent is also another important aspect of sex to think about. Being able to say “no” and accept “no” is a part of being a confident and sexually healthy human being. Even if you are practicing abstinence (in any way), it is important to be educated on safer sex so you can protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections (STI's) and unwanted pregnancy for when you decide to become sexually active. Dawn concluded our interview by saying, "Our culture needs to educate and enable people to make informed and safer sexual choices."
Being knowledgeable about your body can enable you to make sure you are practicing safer sex, if you choose to have sex at all. Having enough confidence and respect for yourself will allow you to be comfortable making sure you and your partner are practicing safer sex. There is no shame in insisting on your partner using protection. If you are sexually active, educate yourself about safer sex practices and protection against STI's and unwanted pregnancy. And don’t forget to enjoy sex! This may mean enjoying sex by yourself first so you are better able to communicate what turns you on and what turns you off. Health Services has an abundance of information about sexual health on their website.
Previous Posts
- May 17, 2010 - What Does Positive Body Image Look Like?
- May 17, 2010 - What Does Sex Have to Do With Self-Esteem?
- April 19, 2010 - What Do We Mean When We Talk About Fat?
- March 30, 2010 - What Does it Mean to Be Healthy and Fit?
- March 1, 2010 - Welcome to the Wellness Blog
If you or someone you know needs help, here are some resources on campus:
- Office of Health Education and Promotion, UNH Health Services | 862-3823
- UNH Counseling Center | 862-2090
- SHARPP, Sexual Harassment and Rape Prevention Program | 862-SAFE (7233)
