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Celebrating Murray Straus’ 50 Years in Academia

(Tune: If I Only Had (such) a Brain)

 Once there just was silence, about all family violence
The textbooks they were mum
You could search every journal, and you’d never find a kernel
Or a tidbit or a crumb.

Then there came a scholar, unfazed by family squalor
And look how far we’ve come.
We’ve got books, websites, Oprah, even courses that we hope’ re
In the core curriculum.

He said where there is lovin, there’s hittin and there’s shovin
And crimes upon the sheets
Cause the bedroom you nap in has more punchin and more slappin
Than the barrooms or the streets.

He showed how DV can explain all kinds of wars.
Its the universal everyone ignores.
It’s all right there: Behind Closed Doors.

The experts were dismissive, you cannot research this if
Folks must their crimes confess.
He said, no, they’ll be candid, family violence is so standard
Thus was born the CTS.

He said when folks are hittin, they usually think they’re sittin
On the side of righteousness.
They say, "Oh I was sad to, but I really, really had to."
That is why they’ll tell you yes.

Please check one of these:  I kicked, I hit, I bit, I spit, I swore.
Was it once or twice or thrice or even more?
Thanks very much. And here’s your score.

So he and all his buddies, went off and did their studies
And papers filled the room
With zillion calculations of a million correlations
About who did what to whom.
It so improved our science, and helped protect our clients
From all that they’ve been through
And forlorn dissertations have been rescued by his patience
And meticulous review.

So isn’t it just nifty, that even after fifty
Long years in academe
That the things he proposes still offend so many noses
Of the status quo regime.

His CV’s still inflatin and he’s still agitatin
On all his favorite themes.
If we get rid of spankin, it is him we will be thankin
As the leader of the team.

He said don’t you see that a hit is still a hit.
Even when you say it’s for their benefit.
It scares and hurts. So let’s just quit!

So Murray don’t get tired, you’re honored and admired
By the family violence crew.
You have been our foundation and the source of inspiration
We owe so much to you.

Yes you’ve been our foundation and the source of inspiration and of infinite citation
We owe so much to you.