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Revise and Resubmit

(Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)

The data's in, the numbers crunched, the manuscript's been sent
Our program lowers child abuse by 93 percent
The conquest of this ancient scourge at last is imminent
Oh no
Revise and resubmit

Implications, can you be more definite?
Correlations, does your model really fit?
New citations, can you update them a bit?
Revise and resubmit

We added text, refreshed the refs, controlled for victim age
We shortened up the abstract so it fit on half a page
Detailed the change in unctuous prose the critics to assuage
Oh no
Revise and resubmit

Replication, it would surely strengthen it
Explanation, for the cases you omit
Punctuation and infinitives you split
Revise and resubmit

So we added 50 subjects, cut the p to .01
Displayed in an appendix every case that we had run
Asked Strunk and White to edit it, it wasn't any fun
Oh no
Revise and resubmit

New reviewers, and they don't like it a bit
Misconstruers, dealing death by picking nit
Evildoers, Leventhal, who is this twit?
Revise and resubmit

We sent it back just yesterday, revision 53
Our data now are old enough to join AARP
If I die soon, I only hope St. Peter says to me
Revise and resubmit

Holy editor, I hunger for thy word
Thou art mighty, and I'm but a humble nerd
What!  It's perfect!  Not to change a single word!
Glory hallelujah!
Don't change a single word.