Musical Instruments

(Tune: Be our guest)

JVQ, JVQ, it’s the instrument for you
Made to understand the violence and abuse kids suffer through
It’s got norms and three forms
And the stats prove it performs
It’s the fruits of social science
So it suits your toughest clients

Sex assault, robbery, and the theft of property
Child maltreatment all in one brief interview
Check out its test-re-test, you know you’ve got the best

(Tune: If you’re happy and you know it)

Use the Conflict Tactics Scale, the CTS
On the phone or in the mail, use CTS
In the home or in the jail
With the female or the male
In New Delhi or at Yale, use CTS

With the victim or the spouse, use CTS
With the hero or the louse, use CTS
In the flat or in the house
With the cat or with the mouse
With the Gelles or the Straus, use CTS

(Tune: On Ilke Moor Battat)

Doctor, has this childĀ  been abused (child been abused)?
Can you please figure out the story?
Do kids play doctor still at nine?
Is this abnormal or benign?
Apply CSBI, apply CSBI
Child Sexual Behavior Inventory

(Tune: Oh what a beautiful morning)

Yes, his P-d scale’s clearly aberrant
And the 4-6-8 pattern’s apparent
Hysteria’s high, 95 on S-i
With psychoticism, and a Lie that’s awry

Oh what a beautiful jargon
Perfect when you testify
Get it today, it’s a bargain
Only with MMPI